I just saw a hot homeless man
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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