i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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