I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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