so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
