So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
