hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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