take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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