I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
