It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
