She went from zero to smokin in five shots
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm experimenting with sincerity
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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