I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
