I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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