Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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