Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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