Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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