Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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