I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
