im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
