It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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