I bet he comes in French.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
