I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
