yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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