Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
