.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
