don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
