omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize