please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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