everyone is single if you try hard enough
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
