You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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