I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
