census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
