I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
