so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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