I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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