She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
