sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
