update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What a dumb baby whore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Couch. On fire.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
