im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
