he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
