mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
