we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
