well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
