i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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