I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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