maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
