if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize