You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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