Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
