drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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