eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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