it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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