guys are only as good as the porn they watch
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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