K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
