how can u be prego again
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
