I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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