We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize