Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
