whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
