$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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