I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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