i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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