shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
