Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
