when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
