so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
