Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
