apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
