The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
