So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We got so high we made milksteak
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
