I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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