Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
