I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
