I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Even my vagina gasped.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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