Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
