I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize