I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
