Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
