some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
