shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
