i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
