She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
