Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
