Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
