Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
