watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
