I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
