why didn't you poke me back
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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