did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
