yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had to cum in my sink.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize