I accidentally had phone sex last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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