Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
