stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
