Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
