We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
