Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
