My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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