Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
