took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
