I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
