I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
