can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
