textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
