i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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