I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
